Coconut Balls

Crafty people make me sick.

You know the people that I mean.  You may even be one of *those* people.  The people that carve out time to make adorable, perfect projects with their adorable, perfect children in their adorable, perfect (read: clean) houses.

My non-perfect coconut ball filling.

That just ain't my reality.  My 4-year-old is usually flying around the house, pretending to be Tinky-Belle (that's Tinkerbell for all you lay people out there).  My 2-year-old rarely has anything on except a diaper (on a good day.  Most days she's buck-necked).  The baby only poops once a week, which is normal but very messy.

And we're getting, like, fourteen deliveries per day, each one of which my 8-pound dachshund lunges, barking hysterically, at the door, threatening to tear the UPS and FedEx guys limb-from-limb.  You see, I like to order Christmas presents.  Rather than, like, go to an actual store.  Please see notes above for reasons that venturing out into public to shop is not such a good idea for me and my children at this point in our lives.

Maybe I'll return to being a normal human being who actually shops in stores where I have to present an actual credit card to pay rather than just typing in my number from memory.

But probably no time soon.

And you probably didn't come here to read about baby poop, breast milk, and online Christmas shopping, did you?

Oh.

So anyway, you should make these coconut balls.  They were really good.  I'm a texture freak, and today I didn't feel like putting anything crunchy (i.e., almonds) in my coconut balls, so I didn't.  But you totally could if you wanted.

They were little almond joy balls.  Yum!

And these were sweet (duh.  It's dessert containing chocolate, sugar, and sweetened condensed milk.  Of course it's sweet!  And that's why I loved them.).  And very delicious.  And I'm going to serve them at my party on Friday night.  And if there are any left, I'll freeze them.

So I can crack my teeth and ruin my braces on frozen coconut balls because I'm too impatient to let things actually thaw before devouring them.

My orthodontist loves me.

Coconut Balls

14 oz. can sweetened condensed milk
14 oz. package sweetened shredded coconut
2 lbs. powdered sugar
1 tsp almond extract
1 stick butter, softened
2 cups (about 12 oz.) semi-sweet chocolate chips
1/2 bar paraffin wax (usually found on the baking or canning aisle)

Use an electric mixer to blend all the ingredients together.  Don't beat air into the mixture - just mix until combined.  Roll into small balls (about 2 tsp each).  Place on a parchment-paper-lined sheet tray and refrigerate for about an hour.

Melt the chocolate with the paraffin wax in a double boiler (a heat-proof bowl over a pan of simmering water), stirring frequently.  Dip the cold coconut balls into the chocolate and place them back on the parchment paper.  Refrigerate until chocolate has hardened.  Store in the refrigerator.  These freeze well.

Makes 60-70 balls.