Coconut Cake

It's Monday! 

I love Mondays.  A fresh start to the week.

And nothing says a fresh start to the week like a cake soaked in cream of coconut and sweetened condensed milk.

If you came here looking for a healthy way to start your week, you're barking up the wrong blog.
I'm aware that I might lose any remaining readers with this recipe.  But I'm willing to take the risk because you won't be able to stop yourself from making this Coconut Cake.  It's ridiculous.  It's rich and moist and absolutely delicious.  It keeps for days in the refrigerator.  Not that it will last for days, but in theory, it could keep for days in the fridge.  It's a box of cake mix again.  But I don't think you would be able to guess that when you taste it.

Take a box of white cake mix. 

Mix it up according to the package directions and pour it into a greased glass 9x13 baking dish. 

Follow the directions except for the baking time.  What is with baking times?  Either my oven is about 100 degrees hotter than it says or every baking time is simply too long.  Whatever the case may be, bake this cake for exactly 23 minutes. 

Take it out of the oven

and immediately poke holes in it -- all over it -- with a fork.  The cake is hot, mind you, so it will make a mess.  Some holes will be bigger than others.  The cake will tear in some places.

This is what it is supposed to do.  Everything is okay.  All is right in the world.  Well, except for the housing market.  But that's another issue entirely.

Why are we poking holes in our nice cake?  Glad you asked.







Shake a can of cream of coconut well and then crack it open.  It's a very random thing, I know.  It's on the aisle with the mixed drinks, in case you were wondering.  But we are making coconut cake here, after all, so we need some coconut.  Or at least some cream of coconut.  My sweet husband was unable to find a can of cream of coconut (the can is about 14 oz.), so he bought this nice bottle of cream of coconut. 

Same thing, different package.  And different size.  And different brand.  But really, it's just the same.  This bottle was about 21 oz., so I left some of it in the bottle as to not completely drown my cake.  I won't say I wasn't tempted to try it, though.  Double-negative.

Cream of coconut should come with a warning.  But since it doesn't, I'm pretty sure I have a legal duty to warn you: do not, under any circumstances, read the nutritional information on the back of the can.  You will go into shock, be unable to complete the preparations for the cake, and your life will be ruined.  So be warned: the consequences you will suffer from reading the can will be worse than actually eating the contents of the can.

Now then, moving on.

Pour the entire can over the hot cake. 

Are you there?  You're not reading the can, are you?

Good.  You heard me.  The whole can.  Over the cake.

Don't play favorites.  Soak the edges and corners just as well as the middle.

Is it empty?  Good.  Now destroy the evidence.  Immediately.

Are you back? 

Good, because we're not done. 

Crack open a can of sweetened condensed milk.  You know, like Eagle Brand.  However, on that note, this is one of those expensive name-brand ingredients where the store-brand is exactly the same and like half the price. 

Pour it over the cake. 

You heard me.  The whole can.  Over the cake.

You can read the nutritional facts for the sweetened condensed milk if you want to.  Because as bad as you think it sounds, it's not nearly as bad as cream of coconut.  (Evil laugh.)

Now we just let the cake soak in the ridiculousness we just poured on top.

When it's cooled to room temperature, we're ready to refrigerate it.  This cake needs to be chilled before Cool-Whipping it and serving it.  About four hours in the fridge is enough time for it to set up and become dense and thick and rich and everything it's supposed to be.

When you're ready to serve it, spread the Cool Whip on top.  I forgot to photograph this step.  But I'm sure you can imagine it.

Oh, and Aletta, just for you I've created a new category called "How to Use a Cake Mix."  Hope you enjoy. :)

And tomorrow, I promise to post a healthy and delicious recipe.  For real.

Coconut Cake

18 oz. box white cake mix, prepared according to package directions, adding 1 tsp almond extract to the eggs, oil, water and cake mix
14 oz. can cream of coconut (on the mixed drink aisle)
14 oz. can sweetened condensed milk (Eagle Brand)
8 oz. tub Cool Whip, thawed

Prepare the cake mix (adding the almond extract) according to the package directions.  Bake for the recommended time in a greased 9x13 baking dish.

Remove the cake from the oven and while the cake is hot, use a fork and poke holes all over it.  The cake will tear in some places and make holes, but that is just fine.  Immediately pour the cream of coconut all over the cake.  Now pour the sweetened condensed milk over the cake.

Let the cake sit at room temperature until completely cooled.  Cover it and refrigerate it until chilled, about 4 hours.  Before serving, spread the Cool Whip evenly on top.